I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
