And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
