genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Someone came in the potted fern
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
