i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize