John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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