Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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