He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
