Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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