the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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