I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
