hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
