this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
