she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
