He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize