Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
