Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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