I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
