Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize