I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
