i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
