my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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