Got a toothbrush?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
