Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
