He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
