he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
