Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
