my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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