Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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