Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
birth control should be required to get into college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
