Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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