Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
