Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
