I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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