At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
