guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
