I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
