I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize