I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
