I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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