took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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