you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
