sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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