i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
