My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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