why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize