Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
