I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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