Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
