I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
