apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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