Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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