i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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