I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
