a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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