and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
