the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
