At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
