i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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