The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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