Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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