Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
