Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize