Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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