woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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